Empathy is the ability to imagine another’s emotions as they are experiencing them, and to feel as they feel. It is a core trait in a person’s Emotional Intelligence, and invaluable to persons, young and old, in having successful relationships, whether work, school or personal, and in society in general.

"When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That's when you can get more creative in solving problems". - Stephen Covey

​Empathy is important in our society for many reasons, not least of which is a society’s desire to help others less well off than our own, or in need because of circumstances beyond their control. It can change the dynamics in schools, children who are empathetic are less likely to support or overlook bullying. They are less likely to leave other children out and open to becoming victims of bullies. It allows us to better acknowledge others perspectives, or points of view and be emotionally sensitive during engagements. Our personal relationships are deeper and more satisfying when we develop empathy between us. This is no different in society in general, we see less hostility, and more willingness to find agreement, harmony or at least accept diversity of opinion. In the workforce empathy creates greater collaboration, better communication, more engaged employees, and overall workplace satisfaction.
 
How do I learn to “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes”? We can all learn to be empathetic, or more empathetic, and we can especially undertake the important role of helping children develop it. If we have a goal of growth, for ourselves, for our children, or our workforce – empathy will be a critical trait to focus upon and develop. Empathy plays an enormous role in leadership, in mentoring, and in developing solid relationships. It is a trait that promotes influence, warmth, and kindness. Empathy drives inclusiveness, and understanding. Adults possessing empathy quite often become influential in their work and community. They regularly have leadership roles, and are frequently sought as brokers for change and balance. Children are no different, they display the same valuable traits as the adults they emulate. Teachers and those involved with children should extoll its’ virtues, acknowledging the strength of character children show when being empathetic.
 
Some key attributes in learning to be empathetic:

• Really listen to others when they talk, hold your thoughts and really understand their position, try to perceive it though their eyes, their feelings
• Not everyone who shares with you wants you to solve their problem, simply be there for them, understand them
• Look through the other person’s eyes, this, quite often requires imagination, particularly if the subject is not something we have ever experienced.
• Just because you do not agree with their perspective, point of view or feelings, remember this is about them, not you, you do not have to agree, but you do have to feel, to know what the other person is experiencing

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella is obsessed with the idea of empathy, said: “Now, the challenge, though, is you can’t just say—I’ll go to work and turn on my empathy, I’m not even claiming that empathy is innate, it is something that needs to be developed…” 

Empathy is not something we are born with.  It is taught to our children through us as their parents, teachers and in our community.  This is equally true in the workplace, leaders (and this does not by definition mean bosses) influence the role of empathy, and can through influence and practice, teach others to become more empathetic. Empathy positively affects our health, our emotional happiness and our relationships.  The Harvard Business Review has named empathy as one of the essential ingredients for leadership success and excellent performance.  Empathy provides real meaning and allows us to thrive in a world that’s becoming more about “me” society and less about “we”.
 
We live in an era of technology that allows all of us to become quickly disengaged in society, we are super connected via the social network, and becoming much less connected in the real world. To activate empathy, we all need to recognize and express emotions with the people around us. We need to practice making eye contact; we need to listen, and to feel. We need to be learning by observing other’s facial expressions, their physical cues and listening to the tone of their voice. This active participation is so important regardless of whether we are at school, work or out in the community.

“In business... companies that want to survive...are smart enough to know that caring and cooperation are key.” - Richard Branson, CEO Virgin Group.
 
Our communities, societies, schools, colleges and places of work will only grow in meaningful ways with a solid backbone of empathy present. Relationships flourish, this means couples, friends, colleagues, students and so on. In places of education where our children learn, empathy will produce better, more engaged human beings that will have significant impact on our overall society. These children will become adults, and join other adults in the workplace. Empathy makes the workplace a center of collaboration and trust, teamwork and real customer satisfaction. Your customers want you to empathize with them, to know that you are actively engaged and understand the experience they are dealing with. They want to have solid, real relationships, business partners who really care, who have empathy. We live in a world of people, relationships are unavoidable, and empathy truly makes them shine!

If you would like help in applying this to your life, personal or business - please click here to book in a complimentary call with me Schedule-A-Call  ​
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We live in a society that is so wrapped up in taking selfies, snapchatting 10 second video clips of our lives to either impress or express what image we want the world to have of us.  When was the last time, if any did you show the real you being you? I’m not just talking about social media.
 
If you are looking for self-approval, the only place you should be looking is within.  When you can approve of yourself, there is no need to be yearning and craving it all the time from others. If you invest more time asking yourself direct questions to discover what your needs are, how you want to be in this world without any input from anyone else, you will know and love yourself more. And in turn, have more love to give others. I’m not saying don’t accept social approval, I’m saying don’t rely on it.
 
When you are trying to impress others and seeking out approval, you are telling yourself, you are not good enough, you are less than, and unacceptable as you are.  Is it impossible to be loved for just being you without having to have the fast car, the nice house, the titles, the beautiful body, nice clothes etc? Of course not, but it has to begin with you, loving you first.
 
So who are you really under the façade? Have you asked yourself that question lately? Probably not. It’s exhausting hiding yourself from the world, not showing off your authentic self? I know, I was there and it’s not fun.  We are all unique. There is no one else like you on the planet. By not being your authentic self, you are robbing us all of your valuable qualities, your love, your core value.
 
Important questions that you need to ask yourself:
 

• Do I reserve offering my opinion in meetings/with friends until I know what everyone else thinks first?
• Am I comfortable with showing off my own fashion style or do I fear what other’s will say?
• Do I hide my true feelings for fear of being judged or seen as weak?
• Am I constantly judging myself negatively in images of myself – photo’s, video, mirror?

 
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, then your lacking in self-worth and self-approval. If you don’t invest time in you, disappointment, fear and frustration will rule your thoughts about where you belong and who you are.
 
Everyone deserves self-love, self acceptance just as we are. In control of how you wish to look, feel and be in society. I promise you, when you invest time in you, you will not only be happier, you will bring similar people into your life because you match their vibrational energy.
 

1. What is stopping you from being your authentic self?
2. Are you giving your power away to others and allowing them to decide who you are?
3. Why are other’s opinion more relevant/important than yours? Who says so?
4. Are old limiting beliefs getting in the way? – “children should be seen and not heard”

 
Don’t allow fear, lack of self-worth pull you down. We all make mistakes, fail sometimes. Which one of us is perfect? None of us are. If you get knocked down by failing or receiving a criticism, it’s just a life lesson, get back up, brush it off. Maybe the universe has something better in store for you. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” - C.G. Jung

Suggestions:
 

• Remind yourself daily, of all the things you are grateful for.
• List all the things you did that made a difference each day no matter how small it was.
• Write down in a journal a new habit, a new affirmation, a new challenge you did each day. Create this practice and it will open new neural pathways in your brain.
• Consciously make an effort to cut out the words “I can’t” “I should” “I wish” and change them to “I won’t”, “I can” and “I will”. They are more truthful and uplifting. Saying you can’t is really saying you won’t.
• Reward yourself for making changes that express your authentic self. It doesn’t have to cost money – a bubble bath, a new outfit that you pick yourself, lunch date with a friend.

 
Your sub-conscious mind is where all your habits are stored, developed through experiences over your life. I have written a number of blogs regarding bad-habits, and just like not being authentic, these bad habits live in us – create sustaining negative thoughts. As you become more authentic, true to who you really are, this will change your “habits file” in your sub-conscious. Attaching rewards to your efforts helps to reinforce these new changes in your subconscious. What you will begin to see is that your immediate reactions will become more positive, reinforcing to you, thus creating new thoughts and behaviours that empower you, build you up.
 
You are amazing, wake up every day and look at yourself in the mirror, smile and tell yourself that! Your opinion of you matters most!

If you would like help in applying this to your life, personal or business - please click here to book in a complimentary call with me Schedule-A-Call