Compare with Care

We naturally wonder and compare how we measure up to others in society, but we must be careful not to allow those comparisons to diminish us. Psychologists recognize two types of envy. Benign envy is the healthier of the two where we admire someone, and they inspire us to want to be a better version of ourselves.  The other is malicious envy where we begrudge someone for the life they have or their success. One can initiate change and motivate us to be better and the other, leaves us feeling stuck in place, bitter and resentful. 
 
When you find that you are comparing yourself to others, and you will, we usually compare our weaknesses to other people’s strengths. This is not a fair comparison. We have no idea how many hours a week and social sacrifices those we are comparing to had to endure to get to where they are. We don’t know how much practice or injuries they had before being exceptional at their talent or sport.  Remember, you’re only seeing others highlight reels. They’re not posting their struggles or practices.
 
Instead, as you compare, it’s going to happen, try these suggestions:

• Ask yourself: What is this comparison trying to tell you? Use the comparison to uncover what you value and act. If this person can succeed, what’s stopping you?
• Compare and see what’s possible: What does your role models (famous or not), do that you admire most about them? How do they show up? How do they capture the attention of their audience? They’ve written books, created a YouTube channel – observe and learn from them. Don’t despair, compare to be better
• Look at it as a reboot: Sometimes we compare to others and see how they have reacted when they failed, not allowing failure to define them, and how they pushed themselves forwards. You see that starting over whether it’s a new relationship, career or diet doesn’t mean you are ‘falling behind’. You learn that with the knowledge and experience you gain from failing, it’s not starting from the beginning.
• Acknowledge what you have accomplished so far and recognize that you are not where you used to be – celebrate your wins!

 
"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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