Letting Go of Control

I don’t know about you, but I have been guilty of being a control freak especially when it comes to my family. None of us like to see our loved ones stressed or anxious over events or circumstances and we tend to want to swoop in and fix (control) the outcomes. We have this sense that we have the right answers, solutions to their problems. We truly believe that we know what’s best for them. But this doesn’t feel like that to them. It feels more like we don’t trust them to figure it out for themselves or they don’t make the right decisions. This can create frustration and even resentment towards us.

So, next time you notice yourself wanting to assist loved ones and you believe your way is the right way, consider the following:

• Real intention: My need or theirs
• Fixing: Fixing the problem, or fixing them
• Helping: Conditionally or unconditionally

I’ve written other articles about failing is learning, that failure is not the end, you just proved out that whatever you are doing needs to be done a different way. You learn, grow and develop as a result. Why should we steal this from our loved ones, the bumps, scrapes and bruises of life are part of their experience, and they also build tenacity and resilience. You are not always going be right there to help, so help them by allowing them to help themselves.
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Learn to let go of trying to control all of your loved one’s behaviors, decisions, and choices, unless there is a serious situation. Let them know you are available, be there when they ask for help; love and support their choices. Instead of noticing things they are not good at, recognize the things they do very well and do independently of you. When people feel like they are not being judged, doubted or controlled, the result is healthier loving relationships.

If you would like some help with trying to let go of control, please feel free to contact me.