I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.
- Jimmy Dean

Have you been trying so hard to start something new, something different, but every time you feel like you have a little momentum…you hit a wall, find an obstacle, someone tells you it won’t work, or you’re not the right fit. “Headwinds”, or “No wind” beneath your sails, one will stop you cold the other will leave you sitting there bobbing around in the proverbial ocean, going nowhere. These analogies truly reflect life, there are always things, stuff, people that can and quite often get in your way of progress. 

There are times when we feel something is missing or we drifted off course in life. This is when the universe is giving us a little nudge to let us know we need to do something different, to change things up. Where do you start? 

Why not start by examining and writing down your values?
•             What you would like to have more of? – love, significance, variety, certainty, growth, fun, health. 
•             What area of your life needs attention? – work, home, family, friendships, etc.
•             When you list at least 10 values?
•             Rank your list from 1 – 10
You now know what values are at the top of your list.

Knowing what really matters to you is a helpful start to setting a new course, discovering what needs changing in your life.  Understand what excites you and what is important to you. Your values help you to make decisions every day. They are what steers us toward or away from experiences, relationships, even your life purpose. Knowing your values enhances self-awareness, you also gain clarity and focus on what direction you wish your life to be heading so you can take committed action.

Our values are not goals. They are not something we gain, buy or compete for. A new job, car, wealth, or big house may be things we work towards owning but these are goals. Our values we already own. They are part of how we wish to be with others, and in our environment.  Our values are our qualities that we bring to the actions we wish to take.  Our personality is made up of our values, what we wish to portray and stand for as a parent, worker, wife/husband, friend, leader, entrepreneur etc.  Values such as, honest, supportive, focused, team player, trustworthy, compassionate, organised, reliable, and loving.

If we align with our values, we will be happier and more productive to be our best selves, we know where to point our boat. We will feel and look more relaxed, authentic and not something that we are attempting to do or ‘trying’ to be but something that we naturally are. Our efforts will have more meaning to us and in turn will improve our health and overall well-being.

So how do your values connect to your actions and goals in your life? How does knowing your values help you when deciding to change a part of your life you are not happy with?

Ask yourself:
•             What personal qualities or strengths do you want to demonstrate in your work environment?
•             How do you want to behave in your relationships?
•             What do I want to stand for in the face of this challenging situation?
•             What work improving skills would you like to develop?
•             What qualities would I like to have with my family, co-workers, or friends?
 
Perhaps you would like to show leadership qualities such as patience, active listening, supportive skills. Maybe instead of just listing being ‘patient and more supportive’ you could take an action of setting a specific time each week and sit down with your team one on one to let them discuss concerns they may have. Will this help improve your job? Yes, by showing your colleagues you care, and they matter, it will improve productivity. You will be making more of an impact and will uplift and inspire you to add more values to your connection with others.

Our values change when our goals change. As an example: you get a promotion at work, your top values may have changed from health/fitness, adventure to contribution, responsibility, power. That is not to say, one day, it would not change back.  If you have found true love, your top values may now be intimacy, respect and trustworthiness. Our values are never completed like goals. We change and grow all the time.

Values are central to who you are and who you want to become. Life decisions are made easier when you know what you value most. Your values allow you to navigate your journey in life, and sail through any rough waters.

If you would like help in applying this to your life, personal or business - please click here to book in a complimentary call with me Schedule-A-Call​

“I can’t be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” – Maya Angelou

Resilience is being able to experience trauma, loss, high levels of stress and uncertainty, such as problems with health, financial security or work related overwhelm and have the ability to bounce back and continue to move forward in life rather than allowing these experiences to take them down a rabbit hole of despair and hopelessness. I was inspired to write about resilience recently because I have been impressed with several people I know that are demonstrating resilience and may not even be consciously aware of their strength.
 
One of them is struggling with long term health issues, suffering a lot of pain and limitations, but powers through each day with determination and grit.  My friend demonstrates resilience in the same ways that Rolbieki et al (2017) described in his patients who suffer with chronic pain and they are:

1. Actively researching for remedies and treatments with the help of their doctors
2. Getting involved and trying new medical and complimentary therapies
3. Developing social connections and support groups
4. Acceptance of pain and positive effect.

 
Instead of feeling “life is not fair”, my friend is proactive in making her life more manageable and tolerable by educating herself in what could improve it.
 
I have to give credit to my daughter’s resilience. She is only in her early twenties, recently moved to the opposite side of the country in the US for work after College.  Red tape relating to the rental of her new apartment in New York resulted in her moving from Airbnb to Airbnb every few days for a Month. All of this resulting in a big expense, along with dragging cases from one accommodation to the next, not know how long issues with her rental would last, and all the time keeping up with her work schedule.  
 
New York is a fast paced, stressful place at the best of times, not knowing where you’re going to stay every few days only multiplied the stress. When I would ask how she was doing, she would just say “it is what it is” and understood it was a temporary problem. She did not express suffering but acceptance of the problem. In order to cope with the high stress, she immediately explored the new neighbourhoods she found herself in, and what they had to offer – being a Journalist Grad, coffee shops and book stores were her favourite. She found the upside to being unsettled and found her adventurous side come out.
 
“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

Resilience helps us balance when we express our emotions or set our emotions aside to better focus on what needs to be done. This flexibility allows us to take stock of the situation, reserve energy for the task at hand, and remain solution focused versus problem focused.
Building resilience that works for one person might not work for another. We don’t all react the same way in stressful situations and demands.  Here are a few suggestions:

1.  ​Incorporate healthy habits: such as exercise, staying hydrated, meditate or have quiet time alone. Eat a balanced diet so when stressful time arise, and they will, you are better prepared and primed to withstand the added demands. Find ways to laugh.
2. Write it down: Some people find it helpful to write in a journal on how they feel during tough times. When we return and read it again a week later, we can get perspective. It also helps with our sleep to data dump on paper, so we can sleep more peacefully.
3. Accept change: change is inevitable. We don’t always like it or want it or even have any control over it but we control how we react to it. Remind yourself, this too will pass.
4. Seek out support: Be proactive in making connections to help support you in your efforts and goals. Knowing you are not alone in stressful times and getting advice from others lessens the pressure.
5. Cultivate a positive mindset: Particulary on your own self-worth, your strengths. You are more capable and resilient than you ever give yourself credit for.
6. Practice empathy: When you can be conscious of others feelings, situations and dilemmas, you can perhaps put your own stresses and frustrations in perspective. Also, you will understand that sometimes, people react impulsively because of their stress and you will not take things so personal yourself. You may also recognise a part of you in them when you are stressed. Take time to observe others empathically.

 
When you develop resilience, you can handle the unexpected, the tragedies, losses and fearful changes in the world much better.

If you would like help in applying this to your life, personal or business - please click here to book in a complimentary call with me Schedule-A-Call​
​

For those of us who are parents, we try our best every day to do right by our kids, to support, guide and love them unconditionally. When it comes to the teenage years, it can be difficult to speak the same language as one another.  Teenagers are coming into their own, feeling more willing, confident and ready to be more independent from us. They have a mind of their own when it comes to making decisions. We still, however, have an important role to play as parents or guardians, and although we are not trying to stifle their independence, we still need to guide them and share our own life experience and wisdom. This also applies to any adults who must work with or engage with teens in their lives or careers.

It’s not always easy to know how to say what we mean and mean what we say with the words we use. It is as though we speak a different language than our teens.

When we are trying to be helpful by offering solutions or alternatives, we tend to begin our sentences with:
• “Have you tried doing …………”
• “Would it be a good idea if you ………….”
• “Should you ask someone else ………….”

The issue with these types of questions is that they come from the parent’s agenda and not the teenagers. They suggest there is a right answer and usually that is the one the parent is thinking of. The other disadvantage to this type of question is you’re not having a dialogue, a connection because there tends to be just one-word answers – yes or no. We are making suggestions to help but a lot of time, teens don’t want our help. So, we need to learn how to ask the right type of questions, so it looks like they came up with the solutions themselves.

‘Why’ questions can also cause defensiveness as it may appear to the teenager you are analysing their decisions.
• “Why did you decide to stay out late?”
• “Why have you not done your homework?”
• “Why haven’t you cleaned your room?”

It also may appear that your focus is to judge their motivation.  Most of the time, the response would be “I don’t know” “I forgot”.  Don’t be surprised if your teenager stomps off or becomes angry. Putting someone on the defence can alert the Amygdala (fight, flight or freeze) part of the brain, the area that when someone feels threatened in some way, sets off chemicals to make someone react to the attack, causing anger or an energy outburst (stomping off).

Teenagers attention can be difficult to capture at the best of times especially for a parent, so avoid long and multiple-type questions for example:
• “So, when did you find out that Johnny wasn’t going – when you were over in Sally’s house or at school? Any idea why he’s not going?”

This can be overwhelming and confusing. Again, with this type of question, they may feel interrogated. Ask only one question at a time. Put yourself in their shoes. Remember when you were a teenager how you would baulk at the thought of entering the front door knowing you were going to be bombarded with questions about what you had been doing all day. You probably rolled your eyes and attempted to sneak in without being noticed to avoid being interrogated.

Keep questions simple: They should be short & They should start with “what” “who” “how”
• “What homework have you tonight?”
• “Who went with you last night?”
• “What was your favourite class today?”
• “How tired were you today?”

These types of questions usually require more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. They have no agenda, no suggestions, no judgement. They simply are creating a dialogue, an interest, a concern, and your teen knows you are available to listen.

They should avoid starting with “I” 
• “I thought it would be a good idea if ………”
• “I want you to ………..”

Instead perhaps starting with:
• “Maybe/perhaps It would be helpful if ……..”
• “Is it possible for you to ………..?”

The teenager will feel like we recognize that their time is valuable, and we are respectful and considerate of it.  We are speaking and respecting them as young adults and are allowing them to step up and be more independent by finding their own solutions to some of the questions.

You cannot change others, you can only change yourself, but as you change, it changes the communication and the relationship for the positive.

This communication style is helpful with teens and works equally well with adults.

If you would like help in applying this to your life, personal or business - please click here to book in a complimentary call with me Schedule-A-Call​

“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be our best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it's a shield” – Brene Brown.

As a recovering perfectionist myself, I know first-hand the negative self-talk and low self-worth that happens, especially when you’re on a mission, a goal. It’s easy to berate yourself when things are not going the way you want it to. It’s easy to sacrifice your personal time and health because you take pride in your work. It’s also easy to blame yourself when things don’t go to plan.
We tie our perfectionism in with our self-identity and self-worth. We are striving to prove to ourselves that “I am enough” by being the best student, worker, speaker, writer, manager, parent, you can be all the while, there is no set standard of achievement to meet. So, you keep striving to do more, be more, create more, love more to get it to feel “enough” and you’ve reached “success”. 
Be kind, loving and compassionate to who you are as a human “being” and not focusing on the human “doing” so much. Learn to accept your imperfections and stop putting unreachable demands on yourself. This is easier said than done, right? That’s why I put a couple of suggestions below for the perfectionists who struggle with the following:

1. Stop catastrophizing – blowing things out of proportion in your mind. Putting it on a scale and analysing it allows you to put things in perspective. On a scale from 1-10 how bad will I feel if I don’t get this right? 10 being the worst feeling. Will this bother you a month from now? 

2. Celebrate your wins and losses – Perfectionists find it hard to recognize small wins along the way because they are so focused on the end result but write in a journal at least 2-3 things that you did well each day and what things you tried and didn’t work. The losses help us to stretch our minds to do it differently and in turn grow and learn. When you see these things down on paper you can see that you are productive, and your work is valuable – improves self-worth.

3. Learn to delegate - I know this will feel hard at first but “your way is not the only way to do things” – trust others to help. My family was afraid to offer me help because my standards were so high. So, don’t alienate family or co-workers by being a perfectionist. Share and trust that they can do a good job too!

4. Accept compliments – It’s easy to dismiss or not believe a compliment when you receive one because you are so busy belittling and critiquing yourself. You find yourself saying “oh they are just saying that, they don’t mean it” or “oh it was nothing” You block out the evidence that doesn’t match your thoughts, so compliments get shot down or dismissed. Next time say, “thank you”. You will be surprised how pleasant you’ll feel and your acknowledging and respecting others by accepting their praise.  

5. Stop being defensive – Being a perfectionist the worst thing to hear is a criticism or negative observation said to you about your work or actions from someone else. It feels like a direct attack on your intelligence or self-worth in some way. We all need feedback and it’s not always easy to give it so we should be appreciative of it when we do get it. What we do with the information is up to us. However, we don’t need to take it as a personal attack of our identity.

6. Stop the black and white thinking –it’s easy to have an all or nothing approach to decisions or actions. Perfectionists like to plan things out before starting a project and if everything isn’t in its’ place, we can give up before we even begin. For example, if we plan to go on a diet and prepare our meals for the week but break the diet the first day of the week by eating a slice of cake at the office, we give up the plan for the week because we failed instead of just starting the diet from the next day. Life is messy and unpredictable at times, don’t be so rigid and think black or white. Know that it’s okay to go into the grey areas too. It won’t kill you.

7. Give up the need to control – Okay this is a big one and it will be the hardest one to let go of. If you are like me and grew up with hearing “If you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself”. This belief can have you micro-managing co-workers or even your family members. The house or work project hasn’t been done to your standard, so you go over the work that has already been done to make it better in some way. All the while, the message you are giving others is you don’t trust them, and their standard of work is less than yours. Others don’t realise you are competing with yourself all the time and not with them on perfectionism. It’s not their competency that your judging, it’s your own. If there are typo’s or the house isn’t as tidy as you would like, it’s not the end of the world. 

​Try to lesson your grip on everything being perfect by trying out one or two of the above suggestions every few weeks. The pressure you put yourself under will melt away. Learn to love you just as you are and not what you accomplish.

​If you would like help in applying this to your life, personal or business - please click here to book in a complimentary call with me Schedule-A-Call​
​
Rachel@ki4Life.com
www.ki4Life.com

Do you believe that you can’t do the things that matter most to you like starting a new business, a fitness or health goal, or finding a new job because you just don’t have enough time?

"Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important." – Stephen Covey

There are only 24 hours in a day, the same 24 hours everyone has, but why do some seem to have more time, or are able to make time? Not all of us have the same amount of spare time, but all of us tend to allocate time to things that are never going to move the needle for us. How do some who have the same hectic lives as we do, get to their important goals? They prioritize and de-prioritize based on what’s truly important and relevant to their needs.

It’s very easy for us to make excuses like ‘not enough time’ to go after what is important and fulfilling in our lives because underneath the excuses, is the belief that you are not smart enough, good enough, financially secure enough, creative enough – not ‘enough’ in some way.

First and foremost, when we have a belief that limits us, our minds go looking for things to match our beliefs. It gives us evidence to prove our beliefs are true and fact. If we believe we don’t have enough time, then our minds give us plenty of things to keep us busy and not find the time.

If we believe, people think we are dull and boring at parties, then all our minds do is have us look around the room all night looking for evidence to prove it by us assuming, anytime we see someone turn their backs in the room to us, they are avoiding us, or if someone leaves early, they must not want to be around us.

So, what do we do about these pestering limiting beliefs and how do we start creating the life, the goal we really want? (To help you remove limiting beliefs, here is a link to one of my other blogs: “Are you the Designer of your own Life”)

To get clear on what is currently going on in your situation, what is and isn’t working for you, it’s a good exercise to write down 2 columns:
1) Things I do not like or want

• I don’t want to live in Cork anymore
• I don’t want to work for someone else
• I don’t want to be overweight
• I don’t want a long commute to work

2) Things I like and want​

• I want to live in Dublin
• I want to be an Entrepreneur
• I want to weigh 140 Lbs
• I want to work remotely

Now when that’s done, you need to look at the things you do want and write them down in sentence form again but this time, 1) be specific, 2) in present tense and 3) with feeling added to it.

• Example: I’ve decided to have the perfect location picked for my new coffee shop by July and I’m excited to invest my time and energy into this business.
• Example: I’ve decided to lose 10 Lbs. In weight by August. I look amazing at 140 Lbs.
• Example: I’ve decided to go back to biking now that I work remotely and don’t have a commute to work. I’m thrilled this new position freed up my commute.

Once you have completed this exercise, start each day with your wants and desires top of mind, top of your to do/must do list, ahead of everything else. Make time for the things that matter most to you.

Make sure to tackle any negative limiting beliefs that you have about your goal. If you write down your goals and you hear yourself saying “Oh I could never achieve that!” “This is easier said than done” – these are goal killing statements and they are sabotaging your efforts. That’s why I began each sentence with “I’ve decided” – your mind is unlikely going to shut that down because it’s a positive word and it’s always possible to “decide” on anything. It is believable to your unconscious mind.

You have now discovered what you do and do not want in life. Now you need to check whether these goals fit in with your values, identity and purpose. By asking yourself questions such as:-

• What will this goal do for me?
• What will this goal give me?
• What is the purpose of this goal?
• What is my intention with achieving this goal?
• How will others treat me when I achieve this goal?
• How different will I feel about myself with this goal achieved?

If the answers to these questions are positive and have you visualizing the end result feeling enthusiastic, then you know you are on the right path to bring it to fruition. You and you alone are responsible for your happiness, your journey. Take time out of your day or week and focus on what you want in life. Get excited about all the choices you have. Write it all down and make them happen!

Once ‘time’ passes, it’s gone. We will never get it back. So let’s not waste time and start doing what brings us fulfilment.

If you would like help in applying this to your life, personal or business - please click here to book in a complimentary call with me Schedule-A-Call​
​
Rachel@ki4Life.com
www.ki4Life.com
​

​​When my Mom announced her health issues were finally diagnosed as stage 4 pancreatic cancer in the summer of 2014, I knew that both me and my Mom would benefit from Reiki healing to get us through this dramatic turn of events.
 
At the time, we lived nearly 5,000 miles away from each other so getting this news was more painful as I knew our time together was very limited. All I wanted to do is to be able to physically see and check in on her frequently and I knew that would not be possible. I visited every 12 weeks and we arranged to train in Reiki through all the levels together, attending Reiki Shares and incorporating Reiki into our lives every day.
 
Back in 2014 I had been introduced to Reiki level 1 and after receiving attunement, I noticed very subtle changes in my everyday life. Firstly, when I spent a few minutes a day providing Reiki healing to myself, I felt immediate peace, love and harmony for myself and surroundings (something I struggled to do with a busy life). I used Reiki on myself for all sorts of physical aches and pains.  If I felt over stressed or anxious, I would apply Reiki and it always relieved it, but it also opened up my spiritual awareness. 
 
I was attuned and practiced Reiki for only 3 months before my Mom’s diagnosis and I felt Reiki came into my life at the right time. My Mom strongly believed her medical treatments were keeping her alive and she felt Reiki would not contradict or interfere with that. She loved knowing that Reiki could do no harm and she would benefit in so many ways from it.
 
We knew that Reiki alone would not heal my Mom’s physical health, but Reiki works on all levels – our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels. There is nothing worse to see someone in pain and not being able to do anything to help them but having Reiki allowed me to assist my Mom with releasing her pain and Reiki worked every time!
 
A year into my Mom’s cancer treatments, she was diagnosed with a second type of cancer that was in her blood. It was even more aggressive than the 1st cancer. Doctor’s believed they would not be successful in finding a chemo cocktail that would be strong enough to control this particular cancer and as it was a rare type, they had no earlier cases to help guide their choice of drugs. After a month on this new cocktail, they would know if it was working and if it didn’t they would have nothing else to attack it with. 
 
Fortunately, it did work. Doctors were astonished that they could be that fortunate to discover a drug the first-time round that would control it. But she was told, that she could not take a break from this treatment due to the aggressive nature of this cancer.  My Mom’s body reacted to this as she suffered with severe Shingles 3 months later that spread around her chest and back leaving her with permanent scarring. At this point my Mom was mentally her strongest even with all this going on with her physically. It was obvious from looking in her face, she was without pain most of the time and was truly accepting of all of it. She allowed herself to continue enjoying life with her close friends and partner. My Mom never complained about any of it! But I truly believe, it was my Mom’s daily Reiki practices and visualizations that truly helped this come to pass. She believed Reiki was assisting her in managing pain and keeping her mentally strong. She also believed Reiki helped to give her more time.  She was right.
 
When I had to return home to Scottsdale, Arizona, I would do distant healing through Reiki for my Mom which allowed me to feel I was able to continue to help her in some way and it gave me great comfort to know that Reiki works no matter the distance in miles.
 
My Mom was always a strong confident woman, but I believe that Reiki assisted my Mom to defy the odds that she would only have months to live. Instead she lived with cancer for 2 ½ years, battling 2 types of the most aggressive cancers and continued to live, laugh and love all her time with her close friends and family. The quality of life was astonishing considering all the chemo and radiation treatments she endured. It was only the last 3 months or so that she slowed down.
 
I am forever grateful for having Reiki especially at this very painful time in my life. It helped me let go anger, frustration and resentment around my Mom’s diagnosis, so I could enjoy celebrating with her the extra time together we didn’t expect to have. Reiki brought much needed healing and forgiveness between us and opened our hearts fully to understand and love each other without judgement.
 
Reiki continues to comfort and ease the emotional pain I experience since my Mom’s death, but I know she’s with me in spirit. Reiki, I believe provided great comfort to my Mom especially in her last few days of life. My Mom was only 65 but looked 55 even at the time of her death.

www.ki4life.com or rachel@ki4life.com ​