"If you paint in your mind a picture of bright and happy expectations, you put yourself into a condition conducive to your goal." - Norman Vincent Peale
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​I graduated from school in the 80’s in Ireland when unemployment and emigration was very high. At the time, our expectations were low when it came to finding a full time job. Most of my friends were older than me and I had already seen them get jobs but lose them just as quick. No fault of theirs but the economy was so bad back then, nothing was nailed down or permanent. I, like many at the time, left Ireland to begin a career overseas. But my expectations around making a great income stayed mediocre at best.
 
My expectations which turned into beliefs around money were not positive. I believed that to make great money, you had to have luck on your side, know the right people and be super smart but I also believed that “it was greedy to want money”, “money was hard to come by” (money doesn’t grow on trees) and “it was selfish to want a lot of money.”
 
However, if you grew up in the early 2000s, your expectations would have been high. Everyone appeared to be doing well. People expected more in their life and they got it, - company cars, family vacations, promotions, bonuses etc.
 
Maybe you grew up with parents arguing over money and now you believe that “money can’t buy happiness” or bring peace into your life?  Maybe you have a fear of success but its’ not the success that you really fear but how your family or friends will think of you now that you have more money than them because you grew up with the belief or hearing someone else’s belief that “people with money are greedy” or you believe “I’m not good with money” so you avoid making more or pursuing more.
 
I’m here to tell you today, you won’t succeed holding onto these beliefs and having low expectations. Recognise what beliefs you have that are causing you money blocks – where did they come from?, who did you hear them from? Where is the evidence they are true? What new beliefs can you replace them with? Write them down and raise your expectations about what you can and are able to make financially so you can enjoy financial security. 
 
You need to pursue your goals not with the sole expectation that you will make more money but with the expectation that you deserve more, you expect more from yourself to reach out and achieve what you want in life.  Don’t allow others expectations of you hold you back and keep you small. Family and friends may mean well but their fears, judgements, opinions come from their backgrounds, their upbringing etc and they may not be the same as yours are today.
 
If you have goals for this year, take action each day on them and expect them to come to fruition. When you expect more, you will achieve more. A clear vision, a plan of action, and execution will get you there, but you have to believe it’s possible, so start believing today and take action.

You don't have to suffer with anxiety, where worry and fear is a constant, there are tools and techniques that can significantly improve your relationship with anxiety. I know, I suffered with severe anxiety, but I am blessed to have learned coping and management techniques to overcome it, and you can too.
 
When you suffer with anxiety on a daily basis, it consumes your every move. You hesitate on making decisions because you fear what the outcome will be before it even happens. You assume without hesitation that the outcome will not be good. It will cause pain, disappointment or regret.  But where is the evidence to prove this to be so? There isn’t any. It’s all been concocted inside your own head! In your amazing imagination you have foreseen the worst case scenario.
 
So where did all this anxiety come from anyway?  Work overload, stress, low self-esteem, diet, menopause, vitamin deficiencies such as B12, beliefs, autoimmune diseases, medications, past experiences, childhood, poor relationships. It can be any of these things, or many of these things. Some we cannot avoid, some we don’t have much control over, so how do we get control of our anxiety?
 
We can start by adding and subtracting certain things that we do have control over. For instance,

• reduce caffeine, alcohol intake. 
• Exercise more to decrease stress hormones that influence anxiety.
• Get enough rest and sleep. Wind down earlier in the evening and avoid screen time either on your phone, iPad or T.V.
• Write down in a journal all your thoughts and worries so you can relax easier and fall off to sleep quicker – this will help you from dwelling on things before you go to sleep.

 
There are things we do that we are not consciously aware of and in my upcoming class on March 23rd, we will discuss what they are and what we can do about them.
 
Are you ready to really take back control, to learn how to take charge when anxiety tries to take over? I am running an Anxiety Management Workshop on Saturday March 23rd at 10AM – 12:30PM in Clontarf.
 
What you will learn:

• To identify your thinking patterns that create anxiety
• How to bring awareness to your anxiety before it gets out of control
• Exercises to control anxiety and not allow it to control you
• Anxiety busting techniques to stop panic attacks in their tracks

 
“Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being excited of what could go right”

• Tony Robbins

 Anxiety Management Workshop - March 23rd Saturday 10:00 AM -12:30 PM

We all have attended an event where the speaker shouts out “let’s get energized” – right? Have you ever considered how important that is, energy?

What do we do when asked the question at the event – we usually start to raise our voices, clap our hands, and start to jump around. Movement is energy, and is key to all life. How do you feel emotionally when you get energized – pumped up, correct?

                                                      “Emotions are Energy in Motion."

Think about running water, full of vitality and life – very important to us, but what happens when water lies still and stops flowing – it becomes stagnant. Just like stagnant water, we become poisonous to ourselves, if we begin to draw in and or dwell in negativity. Our energy begins to ebb, and our emotions begin to change. We move from positive to negative – we attract negativity instead of positivity in situations and people around us!

Ever paced up and down on an important phone call, ever noticed that you sound more confident when you stand up on a phone call?. When you smile while on the phone – the other person can actually feel the difference in your tone – your energy is different – it’s positive! How does your energy change when you meet someone new, a new great friend, or you meet that someone special – it’s electric, isn’t it? Everything is energy, it is the universe and it is you.

Energy is motion and movement is a must. It is not required for all of us to run a marathon, swim the English Channel or climb Mount Everest, but we need movement. This is not just about physical health; it’s about our overall health, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Just as it is important to remember to quiet your thoughts and be mindful – movement is life, is energy and a key element to happiness.

“Happiness consists in activity. It is a running stream, not a stagnant pool”. – John Mason Good

Reflect back to the science you learned in school (however, long ago that was). Energy is made up of positive and negative ions but what we sometimes forget is that we have the power to change our energy. By making a concerted effort to move our bodies, we in turn are choosing to be more positive. It changes our emotions, it changes our focus in our daily life, on the world around us, on how the world sees us and experiences us. Movement fast tracks us into tapping into positivity.

If you feel like you are stuck in a rut, ask yourself:

• When was the last time I moved from this spot? – Go for a walk around the building, or visit another colleague in another part of your building.
• Can I change my focus? – don’t stay stuck on the challenge in front of you.
• Am I fixated on fears and uncertainties that are outside of my control? What has to happen for that to change?
• Some ways to change your energy:
• Motion can be as simple as clapping your hands, stamping your feet, going for a walk, or whatever your body is capable of doing.
• Change your posture. Match your body to the frame of mind you wish to have. Head down, shoulders forward and shallow breathing keeps you in low energy. Straighten your spine, shoulders back, head up.
• Get into the practice of smiling and laughing at yourself in the mirror in your car or the bathroom, it will increase positive energy in you too.

It’s about bouncing some ions together and creating new energy – positive energy! It recharges you, draws in happy, purpose driven feelings and drives out frustration and procrastination. You will attract positively minded people and experiences to you. Have you ever noticed when people start dancing or jumping around at an event, you are drawn in to participate and into the positive flow of energy. Life is movement, movement is energy, you are energy so move and don’t become stagnant!

“Life is like a mirror – smile at it and it smiles back at you!”

Relationships are one of the most complex situations we will face but they provide one of our top human needs – love and connection.  Conflicts in relationships can quickly cost us our happiness and peace. We are responsible for the understanding or mis-understanding of our verbal and non-verbal communication with others to cultivate healthy relationships.
 
One of the main reasons that relationships suffer is that many people focus on their own wants, needs and preferences and don’t value the same for others. When two people that put their own needs first and are in a relationship with each other, they will find themselves in a power struggle and both will feel their way is the only way – to ‘be right’ all the time. These relationships will often be filled with conflict and misunderstanding.
 
“Attachment to being right creates suffering. When you have a choice, or to be kind, choose kind and watch your suffering disappear” – Wayne Dyer.

If both people in a relationship don’t commit to investing 100% into their relationship, what will happen is that one person ends up giving more and the other gets comfortable with receiving more which causes an imbalance. This imbalance over time, wears on the relationship, bitterness, resentment and mistrust can occur. There are simple practices that can greatly improve our relationships and they all start with working on ourselves first.
 
1.     Communication such as active listening sends a direct message to the other person that we appreciate and value what they have to say. Some of us struggle with paying full attention because we are more focused on how we’re going to respond or on how the conversation is making us feel.  We need to focus on the other person, not so much on ourselves. Having direct eye contact while someone is speaking shows we’re fully engaged. Listening to someone builds trust in the relationship and increases the other person’s self-esteem because they feel valued. Think of active listening like tuning into a radio station. If you don’t find the exact signal, you miss half or all of the message and hear white noise. We need to concentrate on what is said to hear the whole message. 

2.    Mindful speech is another area of communication that can be fine-tuned to improve our relationships.  It is helpful to resist the urge to react mindlessly and immediately to things that others say and do. We are all guilty of saying or doing something wrong at times, and the same goes for others too. None of us are perfect.  Instead, pause and reflect on what was said. Then choose your words carefully. Be sure to say what you mean and mean what you say. In some instances, it is better to say nothing than when you are emotionally charged and responding badly. Avoid doing the following:

• Try to avoid making assumptions or judgements. Our minds can assume all sorts of things and a lot of the time are untrue. Sometimes we have hidden intentions embedded in our message – “sweetheart, weren’t there any nicer jackets in the store?” This is a judgement on the person picking the jacket not on the availability in the store.  Communicate clearly. If you are upset with someone, then speak directly to them about what that is and not go in a roundabout way of verbally offending them. Clear, honest communication is necessary to create trust in relationships.

“When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault that you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself.” – Deepak Chopra

• Separate the behaviour from the person. For example, “You are stupid” The person may have made a mistake but that does not mean they lack intelligence.
• Express your feelings when you are not happy with another person’s behaviour. Don’t attack or offend the other person because they will automatically be put in a position to defend themselves and attack back. For example, don’t say a sweeping statement like “you don’t love me” instead start with ‘I’ instead of ‘you’ and express your feelings – “I felt sad when you forgot our anniversary”. This explains to the other person how their actions have impacted you and you are looking for a response, explanation or apology without having to ask for one.
• Don’t read minds. When we assume someone is feeling a certain way, a lot of the time we are wrong and we can cause arguments and tension over nothing.

Example, “you look frustrated”,
“no I’m not”,
“yes you are, it’s obvious”,
“what the hell are you talking about”,
“why are you raising your voice at me?”
“I’m not frustrated”
“stop shouting at me”
 
Whether you are working on a relationship with your partner, or simply looking to have better personal relationships with the people in your life, active listening, mindful speech and awareness are at the core of great relationships. If people want things always their way, it’s not going to work out, it is always about give and take, and always finding a balance. 

Some of us need help in understanding what stops us from change and what keeps us on track to change and stay changed.  If you would like help in applying this to your life, personal or business - please click here to book in a complimentary call with me Schedule-A-Call

Check out my Communicate with Confidence Class

“Motivation gets you going, but discipline keeps you growing.” – John C. Maxwell
 
Many of us are looking forward to making changes in 2019 and the start of a year provides great motivation in us to step up and challenge ourselves to try something new or improve ourselves in some way, but we need to have self-discipline.
 
When we are creating new habits like going to the gym, eating healthier or even trying to reduce our daily social media intake, they are not new behaviours that cultivate joy and pleasure in us. They are things we feel we ‘have’ to do or ‘suppose’ to do and cause us pain in the short term but deep down we know that they will have a positive impact in our lives in the long term.
 
So how do we create self-discipline and stick it out to the end to achieve these new habits of behaviour?


1. Firstly, we need to be emotionally invested. We need to imagine how it will feel when we have achieved these new habits, new behaviours.  Imagine how you will feel having more energy. Imagine feeling more confident in a toned, healthy body. Imagine how your skin will feel and look with all the healthy food choices you are putting in your body? Imagine how much closer you will feel to friends and family when you are not distracted by looking down at social media during conversations or at dinner?
 
2. Reframe your reasons for your new habits - Remind yourself of why you are creating this new habit? Why you feel it will improve your life? why you want to be slimmer, fitter?  Why you want to spend less time on social media?

• You are not going to the gym to work out, you are going to the gym to get in shape, to tone up, to look more attractive, to increase your self-confidence!
• You are not eating healthier to lose weight, you are eating healthier to have more energy, and live a healthier life.
• You are not spending less time on social media because you are addicted, you are spending less time on social media sites to spend more quality time with people face to face, to enjoy being in the company of others more.

 
3. Get organised - If you are planning to get fitter or healthier:

• Prepare snacks and lunches ahead of time so they are easy to grab on your way out the door.
• Have your gym bag packed and ready the night before – you are priming your mind too ahead of time, so it will be ready for the gym. 
• Organise your pantry with only healthy snacks and remove any temptations or sugary drinks.
• Schedule in your new habit of going to the gym or eating healthier in your calendar ahead of time. Having these new tasks or habits scheduled, they can’t be forgotten or overlooked.

 
4. Review your progress: Check in regularly on how you are getting on with these new habits/goals. Are you sticking to your schedule? If not, why not, do you need to re-arrange your week? Are you sticking to your healthy eating? If you had an off day, that’s okay. Just start afresh the next day and carry on, don’t give up on the whole week over just one bad day. None of us are perfect so don’t expect to be when you are creating these new habits. It takes time and repetition for new habits to become embedded.
 
5. Reward Yourself:  When we have achieved something in the past – whether it was at home, school, college, or work, we were rewarded for things that we accomplished. These rewards, be it a certificate, an award ceremony, a trophy or a plaque of recognition, all contributed to positive feelings about ourselves - our self-belief and self-worth escalated. They are memories we cherish, so it’s important to reward yourself even for the small gains, the small wins as you embed these new changes. You are creating new neural pathways in your brain for success. The rewards don’t have to be big. Maybe, have lunch out with a friend, have a spa night at home – bubble bath and relaxing music.
 
Self-discipline is the number one behaviour for success to achieve any new habit or goal. When you do the above, you reframe change from something you have to do, to something you want to do, and look forward to completing.
 
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer
 
Be kind, loving and supportive of yourself for 2019!

This is the time of year when we feel pressured to set new resolutions, to do things differently. The reality is that most people do not accomplish their new year’s resolution, most failing to get past January. Change for you can never be about others pushing you to change, even for all the right reasons. Change for you must be something you really desire and are personally committed to.

• Do you choose to be a participant or remain an observer of your own life?
• Do you choose to spend more time in healthy relationships or not?
• Do you choose to learn and grow or remain stuck?

 
Too often change is focused on stopping or limiting something in your life, when what you should be focused on, is growing, living your authentic life. As you step into the change that you desire, there will be challenges, the worst ones are the challenges inside your own head.

• “This is just too hard”?
• “I’m not good enough”.
• “What if I fail”?

 
These are only a few examples, but if YOU have decided you want to change, you can do it, you are good enough, and you might trip, slip or miss a beat, but get up, learn from it and keep moving forward – this is what growing is, this is what success looks like.
 
Some of us need help in understanding what stops us from change and what keeps us on track to change and stay changed.  If you would like help in applying this to your life, personal or business - please click here to book in a complimentary call with me Schedule-A-Call
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Check out my Five Steps to Success Class

Whatever is going on in your life currently, the following exercise is a lovely way to reflect on your year!
 
We are near the end of the year and preparing for the holidays with family and friends. It is a time for giving, sharing time together and attending social events.  But there are some of us that struggle at this time of year.  No matter, how hard your year may have been, there are always good things - blessings you’ve had throughout the year.
 
When we remind ourselves of all the things that we are grateful for, they help create positive neurons in our brain. The phrase “Neurons that fire together, wire together” was phrased by Canadian neuropsychologist, Donal Hebb in 1949. It means that every thought, feeling, physical experience we have forms a neural network. When we repeat certain thoughts, tasks over and over, the brain learns this new way as being the new normal. The more we are grateful, the more ingrained this practice becomes and the easier it is for our brains to automatically process gratitude.
 
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow” -  Melody Beattie 
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What if Thanksgiving wasn’t one day in the year?
Use an old jam (jelly) jar or mason jar with a bunch of coloured sticky notes.  Sit down in the evening for 5-10 minutes each night for the next few weeks and look back over this past year and write down the things that you are grateful for that you experienced during the year.  It doesn’t take long.  This is a fun project to share with your kids and loved ones. I have done this with my family and we have used Thanksgiving Day to open our jars and read several of them out loud to everyone at the dinner table.  This jar of gratitude notes can be opened on New Year’s Eve or even on New Year’s Day before the beginning of a New Year!  You will be amazed at how quickly you will fill up your jar. They are also a wonderful keepsake to have to look at years from now as reminders of all the many small things that make your life a blessing.
 
My youngest daughter used this idea to give as a gift to her best friend when they were 10 years old. Instead of what my daughter was grateful for during the year, she wrote on the sticky notes, all the things she was grateful for in her best friend. All her great qualities and how she valued their friendship. She gave it to her friend on her birthday.  I also received one on my birthday from my daughter and it is very special to me. There is nothing like getting a jar full of positive statements of love about you to cheer you up!  This can be done for your partner or spouse too to show them you appreciate them and love them. 
 
Happy Thanksgiving to you all this week!

If you would like help in applying this to your life, personal or business - please click here to book in a complimentary call with me Schedule-A-Call​

“Honesty is the fastest way to prevent a mistake from turning into a failure.” – James Altucher
  
In one of my recent Vlogs, I talked about blaming others when we find ourselves overwhelmed with challenges. We don’t take responsibility for our actions and act like a victim, helpless to our situation.
 
When we make mistakes, we do the same – we try to blame others because it’s just too painful to feel like we failed. But if we don’t take responsibility for our mistakes, we avoid all the learnings. We must admit our mistakes, be accountable for our actions, move away from blame and move towards understanding what went wrong. There is no shame in making mistakes, only in not learning from them. Many of us feel when we fail, we are failures, when we make a mistake, we are a mistake. This is of course not true but the shame of failing sometimes is so great, it feels that way.
 
Mistakes are a learning opportunity but in learning, one must be willing to be completely honest about the facts. Learning requires ownership – I allowed this to happen knowing or unknowingly. I need to figure out what went wrong, unemotionally, and understand why whatever happened, happened!
 
Don’t compare the next time with the last time because the situation won’t be the same. Every situation will have a different outcome when new learnings from previous mistakes are applied.
 
Change your perspective – making mistakes is showing you are trying new things, experimenting and being courageous. If you never make a mistake, never take risks, you are not growing and developing your true potential.
 
How many of us have failed at something we are attempting to do, accomplish, or achieve? The correct answer is all of us – everyone of us fail from time to time. What do you do when you make a mistake? Do you give up, move on to something else or do you dust yourself off and start over?
 
Successful people certainly do the latter – develop resilience, tenacity and have a ‘can do’ mentality. Mistakes/failing is not the end but rather a bump in the road, a stumbling block, something to be avoided in the future.  Mistakes reviewed equals possible future successes. Lessons learned builds resilience, leads to a growth mindset and creativity in individuals who cannot be kept down or held back.
 
So next time you find something failed or a mistake was made, ask yourself:

• Did I give myself enough time to complete the project or task?
• How would I do the project next time, based on what I learned?
• Did I share my lessons with anyone, get another person’s perspective?
• What do I need to do to insure I don’t repeat my mistake?

 
There will be any number of questions that arise after your review, but that is good, take the time to answer the questions – these will help you create your roadmap to avoid similar failures, and future success. Taking responsibility is always key, and the more you review, the more you will make improvements and grow.